I watched the Simpsons a lot growing up. Hell, it was one of the first shows I ever regularly watched. The main Simpson family characters certainly have brought plenty of funny moments over the eon or so that the series has been running. (By my estimate, if the characters aged from the start of the series: Homer and Marge would be in their early 60s, Bart would be 34, Lisa would be 32, and Maggie would be 26.) However, many of the peripheral characters in the Simpsons have been just as memorable if not more so.
My personal favorite character without a doubt has to be Groundskeeper Willie. This guy is non-stop fun as far as I’m concerned. Whether he’s ripping off his shirt in a fit of rage, insulting Principal Skinner, putting others off with his generally coarse ways, or some combination of all three, there’s never a dull moment when Willie shows up. He’s my favorite character for more than just being a funny badass, though. To me, Willie is someone who doesn’t care what others think of him and isn’t afraid to be who he is, and I can’t help but admire that. Of course, it’s even more fun when such a character also happens to be a funny badass.
There are a fair amount of fun facts about Groundskeeper Willie that can be found on the internet, but it doesn’t seem to me like any one place has compiled all of the coolest stuff about him. That’s the purpose of this post: my personal tribute/web shrine to Groundskeeper Willie. The following is a list of what I think are the funniest or most badass facts about Willie, taken from his Wikipedia page, his Simpsons Wikipage, or my own memory:
Groundskeeper Willie Facts
-Willie has a tendency to rip his shirt off when enraged, ready to fight, etc. The funny thing is that when he’s clothed, he seems to have the pretty standard adult Simpsons male physique which includes a slight potbelly. There’s no sign of that once he’s shirtless, though. He’s nothing but muscle. Either all that physical labor as clearly paid off or he’s related to the Incredible Hulk.
-Willie once wrestled a large wolf and won. He later remarked to the wolf that he’d been wrestling wolves for years and gave it some whiskey.
-Willie once declared at a podium that if elected mayor of Springfield, his first actions would be to “kill the whole lot of ya, and burn your town to cinders.” When warned that the microphone was turned on, he replied that he knew it was on.
-Willie washes himself with Ajax and Brillo pads.
-Willie lives in a shack near the school. Principal Skinner once described it as a place that “falls outside all laws of Man or God.”
-Willie hits himself on the head with a hammer to go to sleep at night.
-Willie has no qualms about nudity. When a prank by Bart caused Willie’s kilt to be lifted, causing a crowd at “Scotchtoberfest” to gasp and one person to faint, he simply remarked, “Ach, ‘tis no more than what God gave me, you Puritan pukes!”
-Willie was conceived, born, and educated on a pool table.
-Willie has no respect for authority, repeatedly insulting Principal Skinner, and once referring to Superintendent Chalmers as a “bloated gasbag” after falling onto him.
-Willie once worked in a mine that collapsed. No one made it out alive… not even Willie! (Note that Willie’s father was hung for stealing a pig and thrown into a bog, yet he is still alive as well. Is it classic Simpsons-style lack of continuity, or an immortality gene?)
-When Willie was born, his father told him, “You’ll never amount to anything! You were born trash, and you’ll be lucky if you grow up to be garbage!” Willie described this as the last time they really talked.
-A soccer riot once broke out in Springfield. Willie was unimpressed. He and his Scottish friends proceeded to escalate it to their liking.
-Willie does comedic impressions of elementary school students when he’s in the teachers’ lounge. These impressions are a hit with the school staff.
-The Times declared Willie to be the most recognizable Scot in the world, ahead of even Sean Connery.
Hopefully I’m not forgetting anything. (I can always add to this list if I am, of course.)
Finally, here are some videos of Willie that I was able to find: