Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Travel Snobbery (And A Song Parody)

http://anthonybabbling.blogspot.com/2016/08/travel-snobbery-and-song-parody.html
Title photo credit: Me


Some people like to travel.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  I don’t travel that often, but when I do, I’m generally glad for the experience.  If nothing else, such outings provide me with pictures to post on Facebook to make my life seem more interesting than it actually is. 


Photo credit: Me
My cover photo for years.


My reasons for not traveling as much as some are pretty standard:  My wife and I are busy… you know… making money and all.  We also have a cat who hates being left alone for more than a single evening.  Sure, we can have a pet-sitter feed him and even spend some time with him, but our absence will still greatly stress him.  It’s very apparent when we get back.

Another factor to consider is that we live in Pennsylvania while my wife’s family lives in El Paso. We take a pretty much mandatory week-long vacation down there each July to see them, so that’s a decent-sized slot of free travel time that’s automatically taken up. 

Those trips aren’t too bad.  (Even after several years of going down there, I still find it difficult to adjust to how normal, nice, and well-intentioned they are.  It’s wild.)  Talia’s family and I usually do vacation-y things while we’re down in El Paso, be it stuff in town, day trips to places in New Mexico or West Texas, or even spending half the week somewhere farther away like Flagstaff or Colorado Springs.

So at the very least, I’m already guaranteed to have some type of vacation each year, and my wife and I do find time for other, smaller trips here and there. But that’s not enough for at least one person. During these aforementioned trips to El Paso, there’s typically a small party at Talia’s parents’ house on the day we arrive.  It usually involves the immediate family and a handful of family friends.  One such person is Talia’s godmother, who I’ll call Luz.

Simply put, Luz is obsessed with traveling.  Every year, the first thing she wants to know is if we took any trips anywhere, and she’ll certainly spend plenty of time talking about places she’s been.  I didn’t notice this aspect of her much at first, but after Talia and I got married, it started to become more and more bluntly apparent.  At first, she’d just express mild disappointment and remind me how it’s my job to "show Talia the world." (Talia's already quite well-traveled, by the way.) The most recent time, one of the first things she said to me was, “Please tell me you’ve traveled more.”  We hadn’t gone anywhere recently, so I said so, and she brushed me off and ignored me for the rest of the afternoon.

Photo credit: Andrew Bossi
I’ll just tell myself I’m cultured because I can handle really spicy salsa.


Luz clearly judges me solely on how much Talia and I travel.  I could tell her that I spent the year curing cancer, and she’d be like, “But did you travel anywhere?”  It’s annoying.  I’ve come to term Luz a “travel snob” as a result.  (She may also suffer from middle-aged arrogance.)





On a seemingly unrelated note, my wife has been hearing this song at work a lot:




Initially, it was the “help me, help me” lyrics that caught her attention, but then she heard it enough times to notice the silly lyrics.  She showed the above video to me, and yeah, the lyrics are funny, though I suppose there might be some dark implications when a dude would rather tell people his girlfriend is dead than that she dumped him. 

Right around when Talia showed me the song, I’d been thinking about Luz’s travel obsession, and I couldn’t help but imagine the song being about simply lying to her about having traveled to places each time we see her. 

Thus, I give you the end result:




“50 Ways to Tell You Lies”    (a parody of “50 Ways to Say Goodbye,” by Train)


We only just arrived
I’m being proselytized
We haven’t traveled like we should
You just keep telling me
The things we need to see
You're bugging me for my own good

That's cool, but when you ask us where we’ve been I'm gonna say

We moved into the airport
Hiked all through Finland
Ate umkhunsu with tribesmen in Swaziland
Help me, help me, I'm no good at these lies!
We launched a rocket in Baikonur
Sailed through Gibraltar
Photographed everything in Kuala Lumpur
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies
And places to say we flied

I feel you judging me
For not seeing every sea
Some day we'll travel just like you (just like you)
You'll think I'm Superman
Not Crappy Husband Man
We just traveled to get down here

That's cool, but when you ask us where we’ve been I'm gonna say

We rode donkeys through the Andes
Went surfing off Hainan
Did Jell-O shots with the Pope at the Vatican
Help me, help me, I'm no good at these lies!
We partied in Manhattan
Drove around Punjab
Took selfies at a Perth gastropub
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies
And places to say we flied

I wish I could just shoot the shit with you
Without being asked where we’re flying to next…
But you don't want to

That's cool, but when you ask us where we’ve been I'm gonna say
That's cool, but when you ask us where we’ve been I'm gonna say

We moved into the airport
Hiked all through Finland
Ate umkhunsu with tribesmen in Swaziland
Help me, help me, I'm no good at these lies!
We launched a rocket in Baikonur
Sailed through Gibraltar
Photographed everything in Kuala Lumpur
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies

We rode donkeys through the Andes
Went surfing off Hainan
Did Jell-O shots with the Pope at the Vatican
Help me, help me, I'm no good at these lies!
We partied in Manhattan
Drove around Punjab
Took selfies at a Perth gastropub
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies
And places to say we flied






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